this feeling i have is a strange one. it is sadness and happiness. confusion and peace. strength and weakness. i feel as i am losing relationships without a chance to stop it but then i am rebuilding friendships with some great people. the friendships i am losing is hard to see slip away when i do not feel i am ready to let them go. it is hard to see how once we talked about the world and our dreams and fears but now we do not get any further than the weather. but it is fun to see the rebuilding of childhood friendships. i love talking about my goals and the way God works in our lives with these people. they teach me a lot with everything they do.
i do not know if these changes in friendships are just what happens with this thing called "growing up" or is it God showing me that he is the only constant that i can hold onto. is he showing me that i can still go on even if my biggest fear comes true. there is so much i can learn from these yet i still want to keep them from happening. i am confused and i am okay with it. i do not mind not knowing how this will turn out. i trust that God has his hand in this therefore i do not have be afraid. i think i am going to be okay.
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