i don't understand...

it's spinning. spinning so fast i'm dizzy. i can't see a thing. it just happened so fast. too fast. a good cry won't fix it. a tornado just whipped through us breaking everything good we had. it pushed us into a hundred different directions. and when it's all over all we could do is shrug to our once was friend and go on like we never were. it makes me sad. it makes me cry. and the worst part is that i can't do a thing.
so, i'm trying to figure out what on earth just happened. there was so much hurt, so many tears, so much pain, so much confusion. so many people got their hearts broken today. some, their hearts were already cracked. some, they were trying to play on a heart that was already crushed. some had perfectly good hearts. tomorrow will be a completely different day than today was. i don't know if one of was will walk away today with dry eyes. we lost friends we lost relationships we lost normal. our world was thrashed today. all we can do is was girl movies to take away our pain. at the end of the day the only thing i know is that God is good and my friends are still my friends.

one big fat lesson

so we are going to start my weekend thursday night and i can tell you the bizareness of, what i thought was going to be, a boring weekend. thursday night i went to starbucks with a good friend. life lesson, don't go to coffee with someone that makes you think harder than any teacher does and expect to sleep that night. well we talked about what a true friend looks like and how one should treat you. pretty much she layed down the law of friends, she told me who my one and only true friend is and that i need to learn when to weave the rest out. she said that i need to learn how to deal with conflict and that i need to cry sometimes. oh golly, i hate crying!
on friday i had dinner with my sister, mom and brother. it was a nice dinner, then we watched stick it and the weirdest thing happened. haley was talking to her coach about why she bailed out at worlds and i started crying. don't ask why. i have no idea! well then i went to a friends how and hung out a bit, well a few hours. we played an epic game of taboo, like always. i think that has become my favorite game ever. one day i'll be good at it. okay maybe not.
saturday i realized why i hate conflict. i tried to solve a problem with my best friend. as she made it sound, she did stuff for me that she thought i needed, that i was pretty much more negative that she had ever met, and that i was never her best friend. i cried myself to sleep that night. but the next morning i was okay. i realized that she was still my best friend and that she always will be. even if i mean nothing to her. that morning, i woke up with a peace. a peace that only God can give me. i wasn't mad, angry, upset. slightly hurt but i was peaceful.
then the day started. i realized how much i appreciated the first friend i talked about. she is so stubborn it's amazing. she's so funny i can't stop laughing. she is the most honest person i have ever met. and she has a heart bigger than i thought was possible. she cares for everyone she talks to and she is amazing! then i talked to my other half. she of course took on the anger i couldn't figure out how to have. we sat and talked about what had happened already this weekend. she was just incredible like she always is. but i still needed to think about everything that went on this weekend. late that night i went back to the first friend once again and the funniest thing happened. she told me how i'm the opposite of negative. that i don't take time to find the negative in a situation.
after that i sat and thought about what just happened in the last 85 hours of my life. this weekend was just one big fat lesson. well many lessons. i learned that i need to deal with conflict if i want to make things better because if you don't deal with them now they could get worse. i learned that you can't depend on one person for how your day turns out. i learned that everyone needs a good cry every once in a while. and i learned who my friends are. and i have the most amazing friends in the world. and most importantly i was reminded of how good God is.

every part of me

i have this friend. she is the most amazing person in the world. you know what, i lied. she's not just a friend. she is my best friend. my other half. if i were lilly she would be my miley. she makes everything amazing. she is the one person i can go to for everything. she can go to me. we make the hard decisions together. when she makes a promise she keeps it. i trust her when i find myself not able to trust anyone else in the world. she won't hurt be. she won't break my heart. our circumstances might change but our friendship never will. i love her to death. i know some of you might think it's impossible to keep a friendship the same at a long distance but for us no distance will keep our friendship from being ours. she is my saving grace and i love her more than anyone in this world.