mehh! yeah that's right

i have so many thoughts in my head that just won't come out. most of them good thoughts. i can't really explain it though. i hate how i'm suppose to set an example on the tennis team, i am the last person in the world who should set an example, especially on the tennis court. my coach expects me to be perfect and have everything together but i totally do not. as soon as he realizes that we will get along a lot better. 

either i'm to loud or i'm too quiet and somethings wrong. how do you expect people to change if you think somethings wrong when they do? this i don't understand. i will probably never understand. goodness, life cracks me up. like honestly do that math, i get told all the time i need to learn to how to be quiet but whenever i am i get accused of being upset or something along that lines. hey, you can't please people. 

so i was thinking, my whole life i had this image of this perfect life. it was very vague. i would have giant holidays with everyone in my family there. for christmas i would have a snowy day and all my relatives would be in one place snuggled in warm blankets and drink hot chocolate with a fireplace. for thanksgiving we could have a giant bbq and have a family football game where everyone in the family would play. we would end the night with everyone watching a movie. for fourth of july i have always wanted to have a giant picnic. getting the entire town involved. we would have games and hotdogs and everyone would just celebrate everything that we have because we live in a free country that was  fought for. those are just some of the holiday ideas i have always had. they won't ever happen, but that's why it's perfect. you can only dream about perfection.

i love my life, i love my friends, i love my family.